POV: You are at the dinner table with your family and someone states a comment that triggers your core beliefs...
Here is how to react:
Ever felt the tension rise during family dinner conversations?
Whether it is about political views, religion, race, reproductive rights, climate change, health, food, or views on your future or your life’s purpose, if you get triggered, there is always a way to navigate these difficult conversations with ease and foster mutual understanding by approaching them with empathy, active listening, and a commitment to finding common ground.
But first, let’s start by talking about the concept of
“BACKFIRE EFFECT”
The backfire effect is a cognitive bias that occurs when people are presented with information that contradicts their existing beliefs, leading them to strengthen their original views rather than changing them.
Basically, you present your point of view with evidence to support it, and if it contradicts the other person’s beliefs, instead of being received with openness and understanding, they seem to dig their heels deeper into their own beliefs.
The backfire effect gets us triggered because it has a similar outcome on the nervous system as a physical threat.
This can be difficult when trying to have important or difficult conversations, because the people involved might experience your different point of view as a threat to their identity
But ....... NOT ALL IS LOST!
Here is what to do when conflict arises:
Start with Empathy
Begin by acknowledging their feelings and perspectives.
Example:
"I can sense that this topic is significant for you, and I want to make sure I understand your perspective fully. Can you share more about what this means to you?"
Follow with Active Listening
Give your full attention, make eye contact, and nod to show understanding. Reflect on what you've heard to confirm that you understand their point of view. This not only demonstrates empathy but also ensures that both of you are on the same page.
Example:
"It sounds like you're saying [repeat their main points]. Did I capture that correctly? I want to make sure I'm understanding your thoughts and feelings accurately."
Use "I" Statements
Share your thoughts without sounding accusatory.
Example:
Instead of saying, "You always do this," say,
"I feel concerned when [specific situation] happens because it makes me feel [your emotions]. Can we talk about how we can address this together?"
Find Common Ground
Identify areas of agreement or common goals before addressing areas of disagreement. Highlighting shared values or objectives helps to build a sense of collaboration and reduces defensiveness.
Example:
“It seems like we both want [shared goal]. I think finding a solution that aligns with that goal could benefit both of us. What do you think?"
Ask Open-ended Questions
Encourage the other person to share more about their perspective by asking open-ended questions. This invites them to express themselves fully and can lead to a deeper understanding of their thoughts and feelings.
Example:
"I'm interested in hearing more about your thoughts on [specific aspect]. What led you to feel this way, and how do you envision addressing it?"
Remember!
Be patient with yourself and the people involved. Practice makes perfect, so don’t expect to have an amazing difficult conversation right away when feeling triggered. If you ever need a time out, set that boundary clearly with love and care, and resume that difficult conversation when you and your loved one are ready.
Thank you for reading!
Follow my social media to read more about healing relationships and compassionate communication!
